I’m really horrible at job interviews.
I made a silly video for the Channel V presenter search. There’s a huge chance I won’t get it. Mainly because I addressed none of the required criteria in my video.
I like to Instagram pictures of polaroid pictures.
I’m 22 years old, and I’m not married.
Can you believe that?
I’m not even engaged.
I always thought it was pretty normal at my age to be independent, free and not locked in, but then I checked my Facebook and it turns out EVERYONE WHO I WENT TO SCHOOL WITH IS GETTING MARRIED!
Plus, in the town I grew up in, if a couple get engaged it means that couple is pregnant.
It’s that kind of a place.
And by ‘that kind of place’ I mean cheap standard of living, great area for first homebuyers, and a massive Centrelink.
I guess when you have double the national unemployment rate all those things go hand in hand.
The weird thing about having people that you went to school with as friends on Facebook is that they don’t age in the same way as normal friends do. They’re still the same person you went to school with.
Which makes it weird when you see that someone’s engaged and pregnant. Especially if your last memory of them of seeing them in person is the time in year 10 when they let a guy put a test tube in their vagina at the back of the science block.
It’s hard to think they’ll be quality parent with that kind of track record.
I’d be a terrible parent. I can’t cook and I have no money.
That’s not great parent material.
I’ll tell you who got rough go at being a father – Joseph.
As in Jesus’s father.
Well, he wasn’t really Jesus’s Dad, was he? God was the father, which means Joseph had his grass cut in a major way.
Imagine if your wife came home one day and tried to tell you she was pregnant, yet she hadn’t had sex and was still a virgin.
You probably wouldn’t get on board.
Joseph must have been a man of incredible stupidity if he actually believed that. What’s more, how about Mary’s excuse? Once she realised she was in trouble and Joseph might pick up on the fact that the butcher had been giving her some ‘extra sausage’ (terrible, huh. That might be the worst thing I’ve ever written), she went with the most unbelievable excuse in the history of excuses!
“Ohh babes, I’m pregnant…I don’t really know..err…how…oh, it was God.! He’s given us the gift of a child! Isn’t this great?!?!”
“So you didn’t fuck anyone?”
“Never, like I would! This is a gift from God”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course! I wouldn’t lie to you! Also, if the baby looks nothing like you, it’s because he’ll resemble God!”
Problem solved.
I should point out that I actually know nothing about the birth of Christ. Everything probably happened in a different way. Actually, I think I remember Mary not being able to get pregnant. Maybe Joseph’s boys didn’t swim.
Imagine how emasculating that would be? Being so bad at getting your wife pregnant that God had to step in and do it for you.
I wonder if they tried IVF? Or maybe adoption? They could have gotten a nice African child all Madonna style. Chances are he/or she wouldn’t have ended up nailed to a cross.
samtaunton 