Realist Motherf**ker in the Game like Tron.

So the other night I was hanging out in a rather rainy and gloomy Melbourne CBD and I found myself really needing to wee.

Like, I was busting.

I was running down Swanston street in a mad hurry trying to find somewhere to relieve myself until I finally found a restaurant that looked dodgy and busy enough for me to slide in, go to the bathroom, then slide back out before any of the staff would force me to order some chicken in exchange for toilet privileges.
I went straight to the toilet which was a single cubicle that had the ‘vacant’ sign on the lock. Being the sane person I am, I opened the door – because that’s what anyone would do. When I opened it though, it was not the vacant cubicle the lock had me believe it was. Instead, there were three guys all standing around the toilet bowl urinating in it.

Yeah.

Apparently they weren’t too chuffed on people watching (which is surprising considering how they were all peeing facing each other) because one of them turned to me and yelled, “Oi c**t, get the f**k out, dickhead”.

Now, I was confused by this. Mainly because I didn’t think opening a door that has the vacant sign on the lock warranted me being a called a ‘c**t’ and a ‘dickhead’, but also because who decides on having a public toilet-peeing party, then leaves the door open?

I might be wrong, but I’m pretty sure they were planning on having sex after weeing on each other, and you do not want people walking in on three-way toilet sex.

Anyway, you should watch this clip. Aubrey Plaza from Parks And Recreation is in it and she’s aaaaalllllll messed up.

I kind of like it.