Plot Filled Porn

I haven’t updated this blog for ages and I apologise. I’ve got a lot happening in my life and I can’t be relied upon to deliver blog posts on a regular basis. Although, to be fair, no one is actually hanging out for this. In fact, I would be very surprised if anyone’s reading this at all. If you are reading this, what the eff? I think you need to take a long hard look at yourself. Seriously, you have horrible time management. You could be using this time to read something useful, like the latest news headlines, this blog or even ’50 Shades Of Grey’!

Maybe not ’50 Shades of Grey’. That shit’s weird. Well not weird. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of erotic fiction but geez, in my day if you wanted a bit of private sexy time you just watched some porn. And by ‘my day’ I’m referring to ‘right now’. I’ll take visual sex over sex in literature any day. I think erotic fiction is great, it’s just the camera was invented for a reason – to capture people having sex. Just like how the Internet was invented to distribute the naked people having sex; it all works together.

I always wonder if porn stars regret the industry they got into. Not because some people think it’s degrading and a waste of time, but because porn stars are this weird kind of famous. Almost like a ‘fake’ kind of famous. Everyone knows who they are, but they just don’t get the coverage that normal famous people do.

Seriously, think about it. For me it goes Johnny Depp, Ryan Gosling, and Porn Stars – in that order… that’s how famous they are. Yet these poor hardworking actors don’t even come close to garnering the recognition normal celebs get – not to mention the money! No one ever talks about them unless it’s creepy dudes at Comic-Con. When was the last time you saw Tori Black on the front cover of Women’s Weekly?

Never!

I should also point out that the only reason I know who ‘Tori Black’ is because of the HBO series Girls. One of the main characters looks like her, which they mention on the show. I googled her and checked out her Wikipedia page and she’s actually really pretty. Well she’s definitely pretty in comparison to other porn stars. If I’m honest I would prefer if all porn stars were pretty and sweet looking, mainly because my preference of porn is porn with a story line – almost like those old-school 1980s full length erotic porn movies. They were great! There was just as much plot as there was sex and the girls didn’t look scary like the do in modern porn! I don’t know if I’m any less of a man because I like plot-filled-porn (‘Plot-filled-porn’! that’s a band name if ever I’ve heard one), it’s just I like the real life aspect to it. Actually, my dream porn video wouldn’t even be a regular porn video, it would just be a normal movie, but with a 25 minute sex scene. Seriously, think about how awesome that would be! It would make all romantic comedies incredible. Think how good Friends With Benefits would have been if Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake actual had demonstrated for half an hour what ‘friends with benefits’ would actually do!

‘Girls’. From the HBO shoes. Not porn stars.

It would be amazing viewing and it would increase ticket sale dramatically. Who wouldn’t want to see two super hot celebrities sex it up?

Thank me later film industry.

Speaking of the film industry, I saw The Dark Knight Rises yesterday and it was incredible. Seriously amazing. Even Anne Hathaway who I have serious dislike for (she ruined The Princess Diaries) was decent. Do yourself a favour and go and see it then rejoice in the brilliance of Christopher Nolan.

Also I didn’t get the Channel [V] job. 😦 Pity me.

*Yep, that does mean I think Justin Timberlake is hot. I love that guy.