Donald Glover.
Donald Glover is the coolest guy in the world. Not only does he write, act and do stand-up, he also raps and produces music under the name ‘Childish Gambino’.
Dope.
Vodafone, Vodafone, wherefore art thou Vodafone?
There’s something strangely romantic about Vodafone sending me a monthly bill, eight months after I cancelled my contract with them.
They just can’t forget about me; they can’t move on.
I moved on almost straight away. After the way they treated me there was no way I was hanging around to see what ‘excuse’ they were going to come up with.
What’s more, it’s not like we were together for such a long period of time that they can’t handle me not around. I cancelled my account THREE days into my service because I couldn’t get internet access!
Talk about not letting go.
I’ve called it off with them half a dozen times yet they still keep sending bills. At one point, they rang (late at night too. Clearly a drunk dial) to inform me that they would be issuing me with a credit to make up for all the rubbish they’ve put me through. That sounds pretty good of them, right?
Wrong.
When I first ended our relationship three days into it, the reason I cancelled was because it was an internet deal and my modem didn’t work, so when I cancelled my account for the first time, I returned the modem as well. The credits were useless seeing as though I had handed back the modem 6 months previous.
So now the bills I get are for credits, yet I can’t use them because I don’t have the modem that they initially provide me with.
What a debacle.
Although it’s not like I’m doing that well in life on my own.
The other day I was faced with task of having to pick the pair of underwear that was least dirtiest to wear for that day.
How does that happen?
I literally had a pile of underwear that I was searching through that had all been worn at some point. Probably three weeks worth of dirty underwear. Surely I could have found a spare moment in those 18 days to do some washing.
I thought I was doing okay at life. I work a bit, go to uni, have a few good hobbies – but I can’t even source myself a clean pair of underwear. I think I just have a real issue with doing washing. One time I went to Kmart and bought seven plain, different-coloured T-shirts so I could have one for each day of the week and not have to worry about washing them. If underwear wasn’t so damn expensive I would do that for boxer shorts as well. Where do bonds get of trying to charge $20 for a pair of underwear? There’s only 20 centimeters of fabric!
I always wonder about that when I’m buying jeans. Why is a size 30 the same price as a 48? There’s way more material used to make a 48, so it would cost so much more to produce.
What’s the deal Wrangler?
My girlfriend calls my boxer shorts ‘Knickers’ and the other day I found myself calling the ‘Knickers’ as well. In an attempt to regain my masculinity, I now refer to them as ‘Cock Holders’.
Because they hold my cock. Get it?
I’m lying, I don’t have a cock.
Well, I do have a cock, it’s just shy.
I don’t like calling my penis a ‘cock’. It’s making me feel uncomfortable.
Looks like I’m back to calling them Knickers!
The Black Keys ‘El Camino’.
The Black keys dropped their seventh studio album El Camino yesterday and it’s what you’d expect; Blues-drenched rock ‘n’ roll.
The direction the band have moved in since pairing up with Danger Mouse to produce their records has seen them enlist a bigger band sound and add more layers to their standard guitar/drums framework which had been the cornerstone and trademark sound of their early releases.
When you compare El Camino (and even their last release, Brothers) to their early records like The Big Come Up and Thickfreakness – which were recorded in basements on old basic 8-tracks, the lyrical content might be the only link between the two sounds. Lead singer Dan Auerbach sticks to traditional bluesed out themes of old fashion tough-times and lady problems.*
I think Jillian Mapes, writer for Billboard.com puts it best -“They’re still channeling classic rock, but now it’s more T. Rex than Cream”.
Anyway the album cover and album artwork is dope. It features a stack of different ‘El Camino Vans’, which the record was named after. The Black Keys never fail to disappoint and this record is no different.
One of my favourite bands
3 1/2 stars.
*Not lady problems like the gross ‘that time of the month thing’.
Have you seen Drive?
I’ve got a serious man crush on Ryan Gosling. That dude knows how to look sharp.
This is the jacket he wears in the movie.
How dope is it?
That’s a wrap.
If you haven’t seen the show How to Make it in America then you’re going to find this super boring, but what the eff is up with that Rachel character?
At least Lake Bell can claim the she slept with Kid Cudi in HTMIIA.
I don’t understand the point of her being on the show.
Sure she used to go out with Ben who’s one of the main characters, but they have nothing to do with each other now. Why do they insist on devoting half an episode to see what she’s up to?!
It just really annoys me.
Anyway, how about parliament this week?
Firstly Harry Jerkins resigned, then that Slipper character left the LNP so he could become an independent speaker. It’s all a bit much.
That Slipper guy looks like a bit of a rat, which was pointed out very intelligently by the Daily Telegraph when they photo-shopped some rat-ears onto his head.
Clever.
The Daily Telegraph is a pretty shit paper to be honest. It is run by News Limited so I guess I can’t be surprised by its high level of trivial reporting because the Murdoch’s are all about shifting units.
Which makes you wonder about The Australian.
I don’t know anyone who reads The Australian.
Although that might be because most of the people I know can’t read.
I went to a public school.
Anyway, another thing of political note this week is that the debate on gay marriage just won’t go away. It’s fair enough too. People should be free to fool around and hang out with whoever they want.
I love it. Especially when politicians who oppose gay marriage try to convince you that they’re not homophobic.
You know the ones – They always open with, “I’m not homophobic in anyway. As a matter of fact, I happen to have a number of close, personal friends that are gay!”
Whenever I hear that I always wonder, who are these friends? Are they really gay?
They must be really unpopular in the gay community. I wouldn’t be surprised if they had been shunted out completely. Can you imagine being gay and trying to maintain a close, personal friendship with Tony Abbott?
“Hey man, this is the best Mardi Gras ever!”
“Tell me about it! I love your arse-less chaps by the way!”
“Oh you – you’re too nice!”
“Oh shit, I have to go now, sorry man!”
“No! Stay! Where could you possibly have to go on Mardi Gras night!”
“I have to go and meet my friend Tony for a light Shandy”
“Why doesn’t he just come here??”
“Oh, he’s not really into the gay scene”
“What do you mean he’s not into it? Why are you friends with him?”
“Oh he’s okay once you get to know him. Once you get past the whole xenophobic/ homophobic/ speedo-wearing thing he’s actually a bit of a sweetheart!”
“Tony? Tony Who?”
“Ahhh, you wouldn’t know him. He’s pretty private”
“I probably would. I know a lot of people”
“A..Ab..Abbott…Tony Abbott”
“You’re friend is Tony Abbott?!”
“Umm yeah”
“I don’t think we should hang out anymore”
“Come on, don’t be like tha…..”
“Just get off my float…..now…..And give me those arse-less chaps back. I know you stole them from my cupboard”
Yep it would be tough.
P.S I hope that whole thing didn’t come across negatively to gay people.
Anyway. I can’t be homophonic because I have a number of close, personal friends that are gay.
It would do Tony no harm to talk to his 'close' gay friends and seek some fashion advice in order to rectify that awful hat.
Reality Bites.
I was watching the final of X-factor the other night when it dawned on me.
Even though incredible television programs like Breaking Bad, The Wire, The Sopranos, Mad Men, etc, have been produced and appalled by all, our generation may go down as being a real ‘dark age’ of television viewing.
Think about it.
In twenty years when television stations are looking to have day-time re-runs of programs, they’re going look at the top rating shows of the last thirty years and see reality shows winning all the time-slots.
You can’t play re-runs of reality TV. You need something with substance, like Seinfeld, Cheers, or iconic BBC comedies and dramas – those programs seem to age incredibly well. Only a few days ago I found myself watching back to back episodes of Yes Minister on ABC2 and found the jokes, storyline and quality to be as entertaining and as relevant as the majority of programs currently being produced.
Imagine having to watch season 5, episode 6 of Australian Idol in fifteen years time? I don’t think you could – it would be awful.
What’s more, it’s not like the concepts for these reality programs are so incredible you have to watch them simply because the premise of the show is too exciting or mind-blowing to miss.
Half of them are just regular talent quests that you could see live, for free; every Thursday at lunchtime in Crown Street Mall, Wollongong.
Then you have a show like Big Brother. How will we explain that one to the next generations?
“So you used to just watch a bunch of people do nothing in a house, every night of the week?”
The lack of contact with the outside world may have affected Merlin's spelling, but didn't hamper his political message.
Channel 9 are being Big Brother back. I can’t believe they still think people will watch it. Although, this is the network that brought back Hey Hey it’s Saturday after way too many years and that worked out well for them.
Blackface anyone?
The worst part is about the whole ‘Reality TV era’, is that I’m as guilty as anyone. I used to love Big Brother and watched the first three seasons of Survivor without missing an episode. But even I have my fingers crossed that key demographics have moved on from these trashy programs.
Imagine if we were able to view original/ clever/ brilliant shows like Community or 30 Rock in primetime?
It would be incredible.
What’s more, what about quality Australian programs? There are brilliant productions out there: The Hollowmen, Laid, even Packed to the Rafters shows commercial audiences love quality story-lines, production and professionalism.
Anyway, let’s just all hope that risky whirlpool that is the Australian television industry, rejects the revamped version of BB, and we can all get on with our lives and pretend our horrible fixation on Reality programs never happened.
Unless ‘BB’ stands for ‘Breaking Bad’, in which case my fingers are crossed.
Get around Walter White.
East Coast Vs East Coast?
I guess Australia’s equivalent of the ‘East Coast Vs West Coast’ rivalry in America, is the Sydney Vs Melbourne thing that’s going on. It’s not quite the rivalry some try to make it out to be, but the two cultures differ so much it’s always interesting trying to compare the two.
Sydney or Melbourne?
On paper Melbourne wins every time – Live Music, Comedy, Sport, Architecture, Events. Yet Sydney has something that’s hard to explain. Whilst it lacks the vibrant culture of Melbourne, there’s something special about the place.
You get a sense of this when flying in to Kingsford-Smith.
Sydney’s spectactular.
Also, pints are way too expensive in Melbourne.
Kerouac.
One of my favourite books in the world is On The Road by the great American author, Jack Kerouac.
Kerouac was the voice of the generation – and maybe the biggest player in the beat poetry movement.
His ‘stream of consciousness’ writing style set the tone for the popular free-flowing style of literature which feature heavily on contemporary mediums like blogs and social media sites.
Anyway, I was thinking about how I’m going to have to start hussling when I finish uni, and that’s what Kerouac was about. He hussled his way across the country.
I think at least once I need to do road trip from the East Coast of America, to the west Coast. Start in New York and end in L.A.
DOPE.
Here’s a review of On The Road that I posted on my other blog.
Get around it. Book Review: On The Road.
How To Make It In America. The Mix-Tape.
If you’ve seen the show you would already know how dope the music is.
The producers have just dropped their second mix-tape featuring tracks used in the series.
Here’s the link for a free download. http://bit.ly/t4vrBG
So it turns out they weren’t the droids we were looking for. Devo.
Are you ever faced with a tough decision, and you find that you ask yourself, “what would Ryan Gosling do?”
I do.
Way more than I should.
In a gay way.
Actually, it’s probably not in a gay way because I think about boobs a lot, plus my internet history is full of evidence to support my heterosexuality. Plus I have a girlfriend.
Hmm. Maybe I should have opened with that.
Anyway, I probably just have a little man crush.
I’ve seen Gosling in two movies recently. Crazy, Stupid, Love and Drive. I bought a pair of shoes he was wearing in Crazy, Stupid, Love and I’ve started wearing golf gloves when I drive so I can pretend I’m his character from Drive.
I’m pretty cool guy.
And it’s not a man crush in the way that my girlfriend has a crush on Gosling, more in the way that I just want to hang out with him, or alternatively, if the technology allowed it, become him.
Like actually swap bodies with him.
Imagine how incredible that would be? Being Gosling! I would own so many cool jackets and for once there would be more that five results when I ran a Google search of my own name.
It would be super cool for me, but imagine how cranky Gosling would be with the trade off? He would have gone from being one of the coolest people on the planet, to me; someone a long, long way away from that.
He’d wake up and be all like, “Whoaah. This feels weird”.*Looks in the mirror* “What!! No way!! Not Sam Taunton!! That guy wears golf gloves when he’s driving. Ahhh Man, this sucks!”
Oh Ryan.
I have a WordPress.
I have a WordPress!
This probably doesn’t excites people in the way it excites me, but after my limited success getting involved with Tumblr, I really feel WordPress is the place to be.
Basically what I’m saying is that self-deprecation doesn’t really work on Tumblr.
And that’s all that I have.
The only thing that works on Tumblr is black and white pictures of skinny, semi-naked girls, and cute GIFS of kittens and puppies.
Anyway, stay tuned. I have numerous stories and ideas revolving around masturbation, why Craig Ferguson should be my best friend, and jokes about celebrity sex-tapes.
This is my Australian Story…
P.S – I just watched Australian Story so I’m in a big inspirational mood.
Laters.
samtaunton 